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Larks in spring

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It’s my lie in tomorrow. I am willing to fight for it, photo expressing sentiment (love him). Most of the time I actually fight myself.

Anyway, I bet Harrison is a lark. I am a lark, the boy is a lark, the girl is neither or and the husband is an owl.

Us larks hear the gentle tweet of the first morning sparrow. We sense the muted light of dawn and our eyelids flutter open at the anticipation of a new day. It is 4.32 am. The bastard.

Don’t get me wrong I love, totally love love morning but when you are a true lark and come 3 pm you’re foaming at the mouth, snorting Nutella and inhaling Starbucks in a desperate bid to stay upright, action needs to be taken.

I can recommend silicone ear plugs and an eye mask. Don’t bother with sponge ones, they don’t block anything out and if you can get an adjustable eye mask it helps. There are some good ones out there, although I am still searching for perfection.

Try to make the whole scenario as attractive as possible please, think Kate Moss or someone wearing the aforementioned gear, it all gets somewhat PPE if you don’t.

Weekend

Yes, the top section of sewing is a little off but it was done before 8 am on Saturday morning. The boy did the bottom half.

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Kids and vids

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YouTube, the horror, the horror! What is this properly odd phenomena with kids watching other kids eating polos, opening kinder eggs, playing Wii/Xbox or some games thing and providing a running commentary throughout? And why do they all have such annoying voices?

The boy, aged 5 cannot get enough of this. As a consequence he is now really good on Minecraft and I am confident this will be a skill he needs in later life when we are long gone and they are all uploaded to the matrix. Incidentally have you ever played Minecraft? I kept bumping into cows and felt a bit sick, the only thing I could do was dig holes.

As with most things these days I swing between ripping the router out and throwing it into the garden as all this tech must be damaging the little sausage or I sit next to him writing blog posts or working, monitoring for anything adverse whilst the electronic nanny does its job. That phrase incidentally is from the 70’s when those awful mother type people sat their kids in front of endless TV shows whilst they drank gin, or kept the whole work life kids thing going, more likely the latter.

‘Square eyes’ is working for us at the moment. At 5, unless you have a really savvy one, they will more or less believe anything you say so when dreaded device time is up and I am fairly lenient (see aforementioned matrix) I simply mention his eyes are getting square, physically squaring off and we must play some dinosaur Lego death battle scenario to prevent this. It works a treat.

 

Diet 

We love a good diet and a good diet story and even better a diet disaster story or a ‘must do a diet’ story. Admit it, you’re stood in Sainsburys having a hugely satisfying peak at whose fat and whose thin in Closer magazine this week. The Daily Wail Kardashtastic (I am TM-ing that) side bar of shame draws your attention far more than the article on Brexit.

Why? That is a question by the way, although I probably have some idea of the answer, it’s at the start of this post and it bombards us every second of every minute of every hour of every day.

If you are over thirty eight you have to eat less than nothing and spin at least three times a week, gym the rest, to be a size 8 or below. 10 to 12 and you maybe able to have some chips or chocolate once a month. The rest of us, forget it, wine helps with that.

Having been on every diet under the sun it’s never about food, it’s about the promised land! These days that’s a sugar free, gluten free, carb free, fat free, fart free utopia where you look like Cindy Crawford, you married Tom Hardy, your kids love veg (‘ooohh mummy please make another kale smoothie’) and the mung bean farm/shop you set up with your sister and best friend after watching Gardeners World a few times is raking in around 90k a year.

This topic is not closed, we have a lot more work to do.

Mother’s Day 

I drank quite a lot of prosecco, for me. But this morning I really went for it, throwing caution to the wind I abandoned all fear and constrains and sent both kids to school in uniform that hadn’t been ironed. Living on the edge my friends #nofear #rebelheart

Forties face 

Most of the time I imagine the expression on my face looks like this;

because of some child or other, or work, or the news.

I have a naturally down turned mouth which prompts quite a few “cheer up’s”. Intentionally nice but see above.

I am now in my forties, something which still amazes me as I am not quite sure how I got here. And this is the part of life where we must come to terms with the fact that the face that was you starts to look nothing like you. It’s very odd. Modern technology doesn’t help either, face timing for the over forties is a shocking, shocking experience. I mostly forget to talk as I am staring intensely at the image in the little square box and wondering where I can find 8 grand for a facelift. Yes, vanity plays a part but I think it’s mostly wanting to get back to some thing and some one I recognise. Since selling a kidney or a child is pretty much out, me and my chops will rumble along and I will get used to it. I do still love one thing though and that’s the fact that my expressions can say more than words ever could #Cerseiforever

Faux Food 

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Yay! Creme egg, creme egg, creme egg but not? Not, it’s raw cacao, various nut butters and other wondrous stuff. Amazing.

I recently journeyed into this world with egg fried cauliflower ‘rice’ and I was excited. It looked good, it looked right, it tasted more wrong than you could ever have imagined. What my eye saw was absolutely not what my taste buds received.

I am not giving up, still haven’t really got a start date to be fair but I love the name of the fake creme egg website, greensofthestoneage.com

 

Tat Tv 

Yes one of my hobbies is theoretical physics, I kid you not. Another is what our house affectionately terms tat tv. Mainly frequenting channels such as E! and Lifetime it’s tv you watch that perhaps you don’t want your employer to know about, it might not further your career. Your partner certainly doesn’t think so. Current fave, Just Jillian. Scary, scary fitness freak on another level, amazing hair, relationship, two kids, fabulous honesty about parenting, swears a lot. I love her.

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